Watch Better Off Ted Season 1 Episode 1 – Pilot

admin — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 08:53:01 +0000

Ted Crisp (Jay Harrington) is a young and ambitious man who works as Head of Research and Development at Veridian Dynamics, a company who makes everything, from biological weapon pumpkins to office chairs that are so uncomfortable that they make people work harder (and eventually go crazy). Ted’s ruthless boss Veronica (Portia de Rossi) wants to cryogenically freeze Phil, one of the genius scientists that works for the company. At first, Ted convinces the scared Phil that this would be a great honor for him, but then begins to have doubts about the morality of this when his adorable and precocious daughter Rose makes him realize that it would not be right. Ted tries to stop the dangerous experiment, but Phil insists to be frozen in the name of science. So he is frozen (and his eyes manage not to pop out at minus twenty degrees), but after just three days a small “accident” happens when some workers try to move his cryogenic canister to the basement and he is thawed. He appears to be fine, except for a tendency to scream uncontrollably at random times. Veronica tells Ted to fire him, but Ted begins to question the company’s ethics and refuses to do so.

Some quotes:

Commercial: Veridian Dynamics. Every day something we make, makes your life better. Power, we make that. technology, we make that. Cows. Well, no, we don’t make cows. Although we have made a sheep. And medicines. And airplane engines. And whatever this is. And all sorts of things. Veridian Dynamics. Every day something we make, makes your life better. Usually. Veridian. Life. Better.

Veronica: We want to make a metal that is hard as steel but can bounce like rubber, and is edible.

Ted: Okay, people, we need to turn this simple festive gourd into a killer. I’ve asked Dr. Bamba to take a look at how Nature does it, because Nature is a fantastic killer of things.

Lem: What… that’s not normal, Phil.
Phil: It becomes normal… if you keep doing it. Everything does.

Rose: I like Phil.
Ted: Maybe you’ll like him even more when he’s frozen.
Rose: I like him the temperature he is. Phil came to my birthday. It’s wrong to freeze someone who came to your daughter’s birthday.

Ted: Did you do your math homework?
Rose: Yes.
Ted: 6 x 8?
Rose: Yes, that was one of them.

Dr. Bamba: I’ve never seen a man explode from the inside. A rabbit, an eel, a goat, a monkey, and a reindeer. But that’s all.

Veronica: So this thing with Phil–making that stupid face and yelling–they think it’s distracting.
Ted: I guess in hindsight they shouldn’t have vitrified his brains.
Veronica: Look, I’m not going to play the blame game with you.

Ted: Listen, Veronica, about firing Phil, I don’t think we should rush into anything.
Veronica: You’re right. Wait until the end of business Friday. It’ll be easier for Payroll.

Veronica: Did I surprise you? I didn’t mean to surprise you. I’m just a friendly person.
Linda: I didn’t think you know my name.
Veronica: Of course I know your name. I know a lot about you. Linda… Katherine… Zword… ning–ling.
Linda: “Zwordling.”
Veronica: Fine. You know your name better than I do. Yay.

Watch Better Off Ted Episodes » 101

Watch Better Off Ted Season 1 Episode 1 – Pilot