Some quotes:

Phil: Lem, you ever get the feeling the ooplasm cultures are looking up at you, worshiping you like a vengeful god?
Lem: No. Cytoplasm culture sometimes, but never ooplasm.
Phil: Sometimes you are a complete stranger to me.

Phil: Did you put hydrochloric acid in this mug?
Lem: Oh, yeah. I was trying to get the stains out.
Phil: You know, soap would work, and it wouldn’t kill someone if they accidentally drank it.
Lem: But soap leaves a film.

Lem: (as the motion sensors bring the lights back on) It gets dark whenever you leave the room.
Phil: Ohh… how can I get mad at you when you say things like that.

Phil: This is ridiculous. You have to talk to Veronica.
Lem: I’m going to.
Phil: No, I mean you really have to.
Lem: I’m going to.
Phil: No you won’t.
Lem: Yes I might.
Phil: You have to stand up for yourself this time. This isn’t just delicious flavored coffee. This is your dignity we’re talking about.
Lem: I have my dignity. Now will you please take me to the bathroom.

Commercial: Veridian Dynamics. Diversity–just the thought of it makes these white people smile. We believe everyone works best when they work together, even if they’re just standing around. Just like we enjoy varieties of food, we enjoy varieties of people. Even though we can’t eat them. At Veridian Dynamics, we’re committed to a multiethnic workplace. You can shake on it. Veridian Dynamics. Diversity. Good for us.

Lem: (trapped in an elevator) This is the company’s plan. We’re all gonna die in here.
Bert: Yeah, we’ll get the last laugh next week when everyone is wondering what that smell is.

Veronica: I know what it’s like to see the ugly face of discrimination.
Lem: You do?
Veronica: Yes, I do. When I was 16, I was 5′9″ and stunning. I mean, off-the charts gorgeous. At school, I was like a swan among the ugly ducklings. all the other girls hated me. And like our light sensors are doing to you, totally ignored me. If it wasn’t for the modeling contracts and the comfort of college boys, I don’t know if I would have made it.
Phil: Wow. I had no idea.
Veronica: No, how could you? You’re still not 5′9″.

Veronica: My door is always open to you. Please, close it on the way out.

Veronica: Well, I’m different than other women, Ted, and by different, I mean “better”.

Phil: When you stand up for yourself, you get things done. I learned that the first time I sent back undercooked chicken at a restaurant. Sure, I ended up paying for two chickens…

Lem: Can you believe this?
Bert: I know, isn’t it great? We all get our own free white guy.

Veronica: “Money before people,” that’s the company motto. Engraved on the lobby floor. It just looks more heroic in Latin.

Ted: And so, if the company keeps hiring white people to follow black people to follow white people to follow black people, by…
Lem: Thursday, June 27, 2013.
Ted: …every person on Earth will be working for us. And we don’t have the parking for that.